Confrontation/Exhortation
I've been thinking about this issue and would like to get your thoughts on it.
Preface: when I say “behavior” I do not mean that the behavior is the end all. The outward behavior is due to a deeper problem of the heart. That being said, when I say “behavior” I mean the behavior and the heart issue behind it. So...with that in mind...here goes:
How does one (or does one?), as a brother/sister in Christ, confront/exhort another believer when their behavior is one that you believe is not honoring the Lord. I am not talking about behaviors that are 100% obvious sin such as sex outside of marriage, drunkenness. But behavior that you may be personally convicted is sin, but the Bible does not “specifically” say it. For example, living with your significant other, females showing a lot of skin, using “bad” words, smoking, fill in the blank with your conviction. So, as their brother/sister in the Lord, do we even confront/exhort the believer or since it's a “gray” issue, do we let it go. After all, ones conviction may not be another's, or ones degree of the behavior equaling sin may be different than another's? And if we do, how do we do it?
I do not mean to focus on any one example from the above “list”, or persuade any one's convictions, I simply want to know your view on the overall issue.
Posted by: Rhoda
It depends on what my motive is. If the need to confront is based on a genuine love and concern (and I can't lie to myself about movtive) then it is needed and should happen. If the motive is because their behaviour (I like the Brit spelling better) goes against my opinion and I feel the need to validate my opinion, then I really have to wonder if even my motive is "godly behaviour."
I just hate that there is so much of our lives that should be open and shared, yet we feel the tension of confrontation. I know it must be done sometimes, but it doesn't make it less painful and awkward.
If we have cared enough about someone to build a relationship with them, is it "confrontation" or is it another step in the relationship (which you used the word "exhortation"). It is just convicting for me when I feel the need to "confront" when I haven't cared enough to share my life with whoever I am wanting to confront.
Just some initial thoughts...
Posted by: Brad | June 14, 2008 at 03:27 PM
Well if its confrontation you're afraid of- then you should rent the movie Patton and watch it. After watching you will no longer be afraid of confrontation if you can put yourself in his persona (and he was a believer but with differing theological beliefs).
Quote from the movie:
Reporter: What about your language General?
Patton: When I want it to stick I give it to them loud and dirty.
But seriously, I think the only way you can do it without being misunderstood is to get to know them more so that they respect you. There are also elements between the different sexes that come into play too. A girl confronting a guy is different than a guy confronting a guy and vice versa.
I think I should spend more time over at the Ryans. Especially since when I read this I thought... that sounds a lot like Vanessa.
I wish I was less of a "feeler" sometimes... the only time I'm confrontational is when I'm angry and that never solves anything.
Posted by: John Thompson | June 16, 2008 at 09:09 PM
It's weird, but as i get older, the more bold and confrontational i become. I also have become less patient with what i preceive as "wrong". I see this in my "no tolerance" policy with the kids at Summer Camp. I look at my sister Megan and she is so loving with the children...I am, in turn, so Patton.
Struggling through these things myself...and then you throw in the issue of differing cultural norms and I am constantly having to make my bed in the gray.
My policy as of late as been to belt out my thoughts cause im tired of being sensored and graceful and we need alot more "balls" in this world. So i get typecasted as a dominant female. How would I be perceived if I was a guy?
Posted by: Vanessa | June 21, 2008 at 07:31 PM
I also realized that it takes hard-nosed chics like me to do missions...so i guess i'm just gearing up for the inevitable. It helps assuage my guilt, so i'm goin' with it. :)
Posted by: Vanessa | June 21, 2008 at 08:13 PM
I think there is plenty of "balls" in this world. Just not enough people that know how to use them effectively.
Posted by: John Thompson | June 22, 2008 at 07:53 PM
I should have used "are" instead of "is." In hindsight I also realize if the right people read that above comment, i will never hear the end of it.
Posted by: John Thompson | June 22, 2008 at 07:56 PM